p-ing

Last winter, I’d written this post on silent p-ing. 

You guessed right, I have more to report on the idiocies of it all. Pull up a chair and get the popcorn out. 

Time: Mid-Morning 
Location: Ladies restroom at work. 

I walk in, the place is empty.  Stand in front of the mirror and critique myself in all angles: “Oh okay, this needs work, a bit of a bulge here left”, and so on, I continue in my head. 

In a rush, the door opens and this seemingly nice lady with her hair looking like straw that costs a million bucks walks in. She has her cell phone attached to her ear and continues to talk..

Lady: …but of course, how are you my dear? This is LS, could you please put me onto to BarrytheSucker for me? 

Silence.

Lady: Oh, sure I know he’s in a meeting, but please let him know dear. I’ll wait. Thank you. 

Looks at me, and nods her head and begins to start checking her teeth. 

Me, after nodding and smiling, turning attention back to my image in mirror: “oh okay, so if I suck in this much, I could very well pass off two sizes smaller. Good.” 

Smug. I turn around and walk into a stall to actually complete the primary reason I was there in the first place. 

From behind the door, I hear her humming to herself and then:

Oh okay. Sure. 

Then footsteps as she walks into the next stall and bolts the door. 

Am beginning to leave. 

“bla bla is the premier in the idustry and holds this much percent of the market for this. If you’d like to know more about us, please log on ...” 

*shocked* What the heck! The harebrained lady has the phone on the goddamned speaker. 

I hear her business. 

More panic ensues. My jaw drops.  OMyFrikkinLord! What if that BarrytheSucker does show up on the line? He’d hear her? He’d hear the flush! Ew! What’s wrong with her? making a business call in a stall?

I rush out, and wash my hands in extreme speeds. 

Just as I leave the place, with one hand on the handle, the lady exclaims – still from behind the stall:

“O baby, I had to call you and tell you that the meeting with….”

Baby? 

Right. Of course! That explains everything.