a tribute to stoicism

I had a whole different post scheduled to go up today. But things change, as life usually does, and I, in my reflexive need to turn to writing when emotions go haywire, feel the need to write a few thoughts down.

There is a man I admire. There is a woman I admire and am in awe of. They are married to each other in the kind of harmony and perfection that I have seen very few marriages in all my adult life. There is no such thing as perfection as I have learnt to accept, but one does the best under the circumstances and they had it down pat.

There is a man I admire. For his ruthless passion towards all things strength, vigor, persistence and fitness. In the way he believed and lived, quietly and with conviction. To the hours he worked on all things that mattered to him. From the dedicated fitness regimes, to the food he ate, to the time he spent with his kids, to the tireless commutes he made every morning.

There is a woman I admire. For her support to him. In how she cooked and held fort. To her dedicated timeless efforts on serving the variety and incessant trials of clean healthy food she served each of them. In the way her world surrounded her family. To her constant smiling self, to have that intense sense of time when it came to her attendance on all things her kids, husband and family and then friends. In her grounded stoicism through the last months, and her selfless nature in continuing to do what is right and next.

I admire them for the quiet privacy they maintained, in health and in sickness. For their determined fight and bravado in staring at the pall that descended on them over the past 18 months. For 18 months, they stood together, they and the kids. Taking it like how adversities are meant to be faced.


With the quiet strength they drew from each other. With the positivity that puts many a positive happy person to shame. With the resilience that shocked and floundered many a friend. With the fierce independence that made all the onlookers look for support between each other. With the simplicity that is as basic a human nature as survival. With an honesty that belied and hid the war they waged within.

I am so proud of them because they are my friends.

Tall, lean, fit and dressed in gym attire, he ran the streets, come rain or shine. He is the embodiment of the fitness magazines, adverts, and what we all strive to be and fail just a bit. Racquetball, Squash, Cricket and Basketball. He played with everyone who was willing to join him. The dimpled smile, the unassuming presence, on-the-edge costumes he pulled out for our Halloween parties, the perfect lime-chilli-vodka drink he made for us during the numerous cook-outs and dinners they hosted, the complete riot of a tease he made of the friendship I shared with his wife, and so much more.

*That* is how I would remember him.

That is how we must all remember him. To celebrate the vivacious person that brought so much joy and happiness by just being the strong living by his own terms attitude he did. She will always be the person I will want to strive to be and will fail.


For how she stands now after him.

Today is February 2nd 2015. It also is the day after SuperBowl. It also happens to be my birthday. Today, will be etched in my memory till February 2nd will cease to exist for me. It is with despondence that I write this, coz that is the mood of the last 24 hours at least. However, if there is anything that I have learnt from them, it is that one must continue living with a purpose and detachment and that smiling and being happy for the moment is way more important than reacting in fear and sadness on what is to be and what it was.

So, I celebrate the power of strength and the positivity that I can dredge up. Birthdays are very special to me. Every life is worth celebrating, no matter the achievements or accolades coz just to be born and given the opportunity to live, experience and soak in all that this world and the people offer you is a gift. It also is a commemorative of all that this life offers you in lessons through the people you meet.

I have let tears overwhelm me a few times over the past couple of days, and I am allowing them to run now as I type this, but once I publish, I will hope to not see them again. Yes, a void will be there, but the void has taught us so much and that is all I will want to focus and learn and hope to continue on with.



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4 replies on “a tribute to stoicism”
  1. says: Stacey

    First, I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. How very brave and cathartic for you to write this. The groundhog did indeed see his shadow; mourning takes its own time too.
    Please take time to celebrate you today. Birthdays ARE the most special of all holidays.

    1. says: rads

      That they are, and am not celebrating it the way a birthday tends to get celebrated, but i spent time with her and I found so much solace and happiness in just being with her, even if the atmosphere wasn’t pleasant.
      Thanks Stacey.

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