Fall epiphany

Just realized we are already in August. ’08 started out extremely crappy. Bad. Very. It has not been the most pleasantest of the years that have gone by. Usually it’s always a potpourri, with good events decidedly lot more in number than the unpleasant ones. This year has not been so.

Jan was horrible, Feb was not good, March was okay, April and May sucked big time. June was okay, July was good and bad. August looks undecided right now.

I suppose I shouldn’t really be counting, we are doing fine enough and I shouldn’t be nit-picking and in fact be grateful that things could be worse. Nothing specific, but I hear random incidents happening to various folks we know and yea, sure, life is definitely good. I have no idea why am on this trip, maybe it’s the mood, the day, even the hormones. I am not sad or down or depressed or upset, just melancholic I suppose. If I were an actress on a Broadway period musical, the harp should just about start playing anytime now…

There’s just 4 months for the year to end and am filled with a sense of urgency to fill my year/ life with more goodness that could bring me some happiness to erase the bad taste of the months before. Just so I don’t have to write this year off to a loss, just like businesses do. How am going to manage that will be a challenge in itself. Smiling and staying positive isn’t just gonna cut it. Action needs to take place and a conscious effort that can set forth a chain of events is needed. I figured having a few short-term goals could perhaps give me a sense of belonging to this life I lead. There have been days in the recent past when I seem detached from what I do. Going through the motions so to speak.

The goals:

  1. Ive been blase about the extra pounds I carry around. Probably secure in the knowledge that despite those pounds, I still am able to do a 10 minute intense dance item without stopping for breath, aka, am fairly fit. I realize that isn’t enough. Well, I knew it all along, just didn’t want to face it. So yes, I should be kind to my knees and start losing the extra baggage.
  2. There’s a catch to the goal. My knee’s in a bad shape and yesterday a pang set into my heart. I hurt it a little more in the morning while getting onto a shuttle bus and the pain’s been excruciating. I usually take things in stride and I don’t fret on the littlesies, but this pain that’s practically making me immobile is hitting me at a very basic level. For the first time, am scared. There was a coldness that set in within me yesterday despite the hot humid crowded place I was in. Today’s better and physical therapy’s actually going well, but something tells me this is going to be a long slow recovery process. That scares me. What if the muscle doesn’t heal? What if it settles into one of those dull aches that never really leaves you? What if I can’t dance again? Maybe I can, but what If i can’t dance as much as I want to? Yes, am scared.
  3. So yes, the therapist and the doctor need to give me a clean bill of health before I set myself up for the familiar regimen I used to follow. Swim, weights, dance. That’s how I’d dropped 40 pounds after the older 2.
  4. Need to get a grip back on at work. It’s going well so far, but Fall is expected to bring some org changes, and I need to work on a few things before that.
  5. Daughter and son need my complete undivided attention for the next 6 months. School’s going to be a challenge and I want to be there for them. Daughter and I have a few goals setup together and I don’t care what it takes, but we will work hard and try our best to get to them.
  6. Feeling a bit lonely. I really need to laugh more, and I need some good friends to make that happen. My old ones have perhaps moved on. Any takers? 🙂 *hope that didn’t sound too pathetic, amusing I’ll take!*

Now I need to go get my 6 hours of sleep.

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11 replies on “Fall epiphany”
  1. says: Altoid


    I could’ve written this post and said exactly the same things you have :). I would wish for this year to be over, really. And like you, for whatever’s left of it, I’d like to keep positive and rally forth. I am with you on 1 and 6 as well.

    All said and done, you’ve got company 🙂

  2. says: Lekhni

    I am waiting for the year to end soon too. But then the end of the year is also winter, and I wonder why I am even thinking of the cold in the midst of a warm summer day 🙂

  3. says: munimma

    oh, wow, same same here too. knee pain seems to be common to most bn/kp dancers. I had to ease off since last year. The fact that I lost that extra baggage earlier, has kind of given a false confidence that I can do it again. But age has to factor in. oh, well, we can only try. 🙂

  4. says: rads

    Muni: Well, we need to stretch well before we go stomping concrete. Especially winters.
    lol@age. One essential rule for a dancer: ” Never reference you age. Ever. Period.”
    Not that I follow it, but Ive been told that 🙂

    Lekhni: Maybe coz you secretly yearn for the chill 😛

    CW: Dear girl, if my post could make you wake up and comment, that in itself is support 🙂

    Altoid: We ought to move closer, maybe we could create a mutually beneficial relationship! 😀

  5. says: AMAD

    Hi Rads:
    Take it easy.(I know, easy to preach but difficult to follow) I did want to bulid up my endurance for dancing but I give up often. (especially after seeing the youung girls dancing-not that I am too old). And I am right there with you regarding loneliness(sometimes I feel that way even in a crowd of people) so if you need a friend and I think we pretty much live in the same geographical area (Do I know you???????????)
    (the same a mood a day- forgot my previous email password hence with the new name)

  6. says: Priya

    I need all the help I can get with 1 and 6. 6 is the reason I blame my year to have been boring…I moved out of the univ and find my self hardly utilizing my word quota for the day 😛 I would add one more to my list, start making more phone calls, I am just pathetic when it comes to making calls :)) ( ya, I know I should have put a ‘:(‘ at the end, can’t help it, need to laugh more you see)

  7. says: Adithya

    Fall semester 🙁 . Jolly summer ends. Back to school……And don’t worry, lot of friends available in blogosphere. The blogosphere knows more about me than my roommates do. I think that’s the case with a lot of people.

  8. says: Praveen

    Hope the rest of the year brings in happiness with it. U do have lot of friends in the virtual world 🙂

  9. says: rads

    Praveen: Yes, that I do. Thank you 🙂

    Adithya: I know! Actually, my kids, esp the son’s getting bored despite a packed summer schedule. He wants school to start :
    Yea@blogosphere knowing more about us 🙂

    Shmetterling: What you may lack in height, am sure you make up for it in your heart. Thank you 🙂

    Priya: LOL! Yesyes, now that I have my smashing brand new phone, calls I have to make and get! 🙂

    AMAD: Thanks and I know what you mean. Keeping at it helps. Some guy once said- “If you stick with something long enough, you can’t help but be good at it!” I think it’s very true.
    Oh sure, we may know each other but we’d never know 🙂

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