on a pause

A random update on Facebook got my interest piqued and I went digging (as I normally do once something catches my fancy) and i fell upon a treasure, not just in what I read, but it sent me on a thought process tangential, occasionally personal, but by and large more on weightier issues that plague us as a community. We, the people lead ingrained, small lives. Very few of us are visionaries to make a difference consistently.

No, I have not forgotten the great men and women we quote, follow and read to get some of their wisdom or brilliance rub off on us.

I talk about us common people, made of bills, jobs, chores, business, duties, responsibilities, hugs and kisses running a marathon of goals, successes and to-do tasks. I believe that it is the essential glue that holds us all together as we individually try and scale our own unique mountains. To squeeze the maximum out of us and it can be as simple as enjoying a quiet evening watching the night sky to presenting to a large board of investors for the next big venture.

This was the piece that got me thinking:

So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom. And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise and then behave like they would. And now go, and make interesting mistakes. Make amazing mistakes, make glorious mistakes. Leave the world more interesting than being here. Make good art.

–Neil Gaiman

Part of the talk he gave as a graduation speech.

As much as it is for the arts graduates, it applies to an extent to everyone who reads this doesn’t it? I think so at least.

I once read somewhere, that if you wanted to be something else, like confident, artistic, honest or compassionate, you start acting like anyone who is. The play-acting will one day become you.

Sounds simple right? Maybe. I am yet to try it with where I am set to go.

I am at a phase where I mourn the loss of me of yesteryears. Yes, I am growing, but there are parts of me that I had to give up (some consciously, most sub-consciously) like vestiges that are no longer useful. Along with some draining habits that I have lost, I also have lost some positives. Ones that made me, the me of then. There is a difference in understanding where one stands now to accepting it to an extent that we turn it into a stepping ladder.

I have no idea yet on where I stand and what I will do with myself, but I miss the blog. Words stop, splutter, cough and die before they reach the keys. I see the corpses fall and wisp into thin air, and there are no tears. Just an immense hollow deep empty well that I see me falling into. I sincerely pray and hope that this isn’t it, that this is a sabbatical of sorts, that maybe one day, I will be able to claw myself out and see some light. I must accept that the light I then see will never be the same, but it will be some light.

Life can bog you down regardless of how much of an enthusiast or fighter one is. All you can hope is to continue to look ahead, glance occasionally behind you, and pray that someone is watching you from above.

..and then there are folks like her who wrote some eloquent thoughts here , before she passed away last night, one that sent me on this path of introspection and thinking. It’s amazing when you think of the reach artists have.

Then there is this piece on Success:

That’s all that one really needs to focus on. To leave the world just slightly changed from when you entered. Not for yourself, coz you see, you don’t exist anymore, but for others. How have you made a difference in a person’s life in a non-tangible way?

There have been a few instances when I feel I may have come close, but that’s not it. It isn’t a one shot deal, it’s a process, a continuing process where with your work,action or thought you have given abundant laughter, peace, happiness and maybe even growth.