It’s December 27th 2019 and I figured it’s a tradition to do a year end review of the year that’s gone by.
I am scared to look at the date I last wrote a post on here. It’s been ages and I must admit I have fallen trap like the rest of us and quit long form writing for its easier, simpler mobile ADD cousin, the instagram. I have been writing, so all’s not lost but the thought of penning thoughts and feelings and what’s happening in my life has long been lost.
I miss it. I genuinely miss the person I used to be, and mourn the loss for the naivety and the simplicity with which I lived my life, a life that I had no hangups sharing with the world, with my journal. No, not that life’s complicated now, but it isn’t the kind it used to be. It isn’t entirely about *what’s* happening with it as much as the person who I have left behind because of circumstances.
Life is good, don’t get me wrong, it’s just… different. A newer path, newer priorities, a newer (i shudder to say it) mid-life, where the kids are grown and left coop, and have their own lives and days for them to make memories with, and a seriousness that sets in with the responsibilities that I no longer can ignore and use distance as my refuge.
2019 has been a year of simpler growth. I don’t have huge accolades to show for, but I can reel off things off a list that seems to morph with the changing me.
- I did amazing with Toastmasters and mentored a club that’s already kicking ass within their area. Honestly, there’s nothing more satisfying than to see mentees grow and flourish and am just thrilled with the opportunity I have landed in.
- Made a bunch of new acquaintances as a result of that, inroads into what can be some interesting paths and opportunities.
- Spoke at my alma mater and boy, what a rush that was!
- Kickstarted the dance event company, and had a lucrative first year. Have a clear vision for 2020 (no pun intended there) and I am all for seeing it through.
- My work at the county is chugging along and I cannot be more thankful for the people I work with and how much they value me, my skills. It is getting tad boring, but it’s a change am unwilling to make unless something more exciting comes by.
- Was chosen for a pivotal advisory committee and sit along with some movers and shakers of the highest level. It’s government, and am learning so much of why and the what, that it’s all super entertaining and full of revelations. I have no idea where it’s going, but the journey’s interesting enough
- As a mom I am seeing some incredible changes in the kids’ work, promotions, growth in personalities, winning challenges they’ve signed up for, and in personal areas, so am a grateful mom alright!
- My promise to visit a new country and a new place each year is going strong. Germany is a repeat, but this time it was a wholesome trip and I grew a bit more with the kind of semi-solo trip it was.
What hasn’t gone well is:
- My health. I’ve seen better days. My knees have been better. I don’t feel good. Weight-wise, health-wise, in body and mind. I must make consious effort to prioritize it and I plan to get back to a routine that worked earlier.
- Many smaller insignificant (yet important enough) things that have railroaded themselves into a mess that I am not proud of. Books, meditation, stretches, Yoga, cycling, social network, volunteering and so on, but I guess we just have 24 hours in our day.
Ive always believed that anyone and everyone can do everything they set their mind to. We are all capable of every little goal that we *want* and dream of achieving, just that we can’t have it all, at the same time. Just like a buffet – we can only eat one dish at a time if we want to savor it’s taste and what it can offer as nourishment to our body and soul.
As long as keep moving, and in the direction we are meant to, we are good to go. I end 2019 on a slightly higher note than I did 2017, but not as how 2018 saw me through. 2018, I called myself a winner for the rebuilding, for the scarring and for accepting that people are fallible, and the ones you hold highest, will one day fail you.
2019, I coasted, and as much as the scar still stings, Ive pushed past it.
Have I wasted precious time? Of course.
Did I have to? No.
Is there anything I can do about it? No.
Has it helped me in any small way? I don’t know. I am who I am, and as much as I loved my earlier self, I like myself now even more. Ultimately, I am better today at the end of the decade than from when it started. (I am better with respect to the situation and my life TODAY) One thing I do know and pride myself is that I have not lost faith in the finer aspects of life, and I still believe.
William Faulkner once said “Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors, just be better than yourself”