….of course we all know that. For centuries together a woman blamed a man for not “getting” her and of course the man has always had a puzzled look at the woman’s “reactions”.
With age and experience many women finally learn how to deal with a man – it’s simple – you just “think like one”. Problem solved.
The reason I prefer woman adapting to thinking like a man, is well, it’s less work. It really is less stressful, and downright easy. It’s torturous for a man to even comprehend to get into a woman’s mind and understand and behave accordingly.
So the next time you are pining for a surprise gift, don’t hint, just write it down on a sheet of paper, or better still stick it on the mirror as he does his morning routine – “I’d like a surprise birthday gift, the choices are
1. The stand-up comedy show at the Arts studio on Friday night.
2. Follow this link to “add to cart”
3. Take care of the kids for the next weekend, as I go spend a ladies night out. No questions asked.
Pick any two, and surprise me”
You will get what you want, coz the guy’s already so thrilled that you’ve made his life less miserable that he’s feeling quite magnanimous.
anyways, came across this somewhere, and thought perfect!
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ”Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.
She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let’s see …February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90- day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a goddamn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…. .’
‘Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
”What?” says Roger, startled.
‘Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ”Maybe I should never have . .Oh God, I feel so…..”(She breaks down, sobbing.)
”What?” says Roger.
”I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. ”I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
”There’s no horse?” says Roger.
”You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
”No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
”It’s just that . . . It’s that I . . . I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)”Yes,” he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ”Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says. ”What way?” says Roger.
”That way about time,” says Elaine.
”Oh,” says Roger. ”Yes.”
Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.
At last she speaks.”Thank you, Roger,” she says.
”Thank you,” says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, heopens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of.
A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:”Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?’
– Dave Barry
Yes, it’s useless to even think that there is some hope that “they” might even pause to think about we might feel or be thinking or wanting….this comes from my personal experience of being a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mom. Men!!!
I so agree with ur tip on surpirse gifts, it’s pathetic but that’s the only way out! Oh and it works too to just go and put li’l notes on his calendar.
Btw, good job with your blog
That was a very funny post, and dead on. Man, that needs to be a movie scene, or a stand up routine or a sketch or something.
I like your style. I’m gonna link to you.
Like in Hermoine in HP says, guys have the emotional range of a teaspoon while women have some zillion different shades :-)! No wonder guys never “get” the woman!
LOL!! Great post and so true:-) I used to wonder if its me who babbles a lot or its hubby who is almost deaf or maybe both;-P but it turns out to be a ghar ghar ki kahani:-)
Well, you can’t blame both the species. World is interesting coz they are different.:-)
Haha. That is funny. If every wife leaves notes on the mirror, the world will be a better place 🙂
Fortunately, in our case, we both are so lazy about gifts, we made a pact not to exchange gifts 🙂
Thank you so very much for cracking me up. That was a _hilarious_ post.
orchid, nate – nice seeing you here, and thanks 🙂
Archana – hermione is such a stable character! I absolutely like the way she can brush the guys off with her candid comments.
Mommy – ghar ghar ki kahani tho hai, aur woh bhi international. 🙂
deepa – thats the whole idea, adapting and making things work. 🙂
TD – nice pact. Same here, the supreme gift of all was the shiny CC 😉
metlin – :)) nice way to start Monday eh?
so true! life would be so much simpler if my wife followed that advice 🙂
btw, that article u’ve posted is by dave barry. i’ve read it about a million times and it never fails to crack me up 🙂
balaji – really? well, that doesn’t come as a surprise. He is awesome.
Ok, I better go give him credit, don’t want to step on any issues 🙂
oh hillarious! The idea of sticking a note on the mirror is hillarious. But i really wonder if it will work. Coz my darling hubby mite come back to me (after a day) saying that the little one stuck something on the mirror we might have to clean it up!
So true and guess what I am actually terrified when my husband is out to surprise me – the horrors I might end up having to accept with a smile. I have tried dropping broad hints about how I actually dont want gifts and am quite happy witha meal outside. Ok let me try the mirror idea too. Nice post and loved the extract too.
simpler the better. hinting about expectations would do a world of good.
madsies – lol@kid sticking notes on mirror. Thats a possibility I overlooked.. :))
usha – I have a friend who says that similarly, she’s scared if her birthday approaches, for precisely the same reason.
inder – yea, makes life simpler right? 🙂
Actually, I’ve been leaning along on the thought that the battle of sexes is mostly non-existent; women and men mostly expect the same things from a relationship, although they might express this at different times.
(I realize you were aiming for a more humorous note, but heck.)
cyd – men and women crib on totally useless and ridiculous stuff, and usually reach a plausible and quick consensus on more serious matters.
i know by now that you come up with the flip side of arguments, so no sweat :-p
That was right on 🙂 Loved the part when the woman said a teary and grateful ‘Thank you’ and the guy responded with a ‘Thank you’ as well!LOL!
hahahaha!! rofl! but not all women are like this though.. im sure ud agree.. but i think paranoia is kinda inherent.. lol..
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