Am posting this as a reply to the numerous mails and pings that I’ve been getting over the past week. I did not expect the warmth and the persuasive offers of adjustments just for me to keep blogging. I was to close comments for my last post primarily as it ought not be construed as some kind of game that I was playing and to also dissuade dialogs, and I guess WP didn’t publish my last save, and so here we are.
I know I don’t owe anyone explanations, but it would look rude and snobbish for me to continue to ignore. I apologize for not replying to each individually, as I’d just rather copy paste my replies, and hence felt a post would serve the purpose.
Life is a as wonderful as it is unexpected and to a large extent quixotic. Going with what’s thrown at me has made me what I am and that’s precisely what am doing. Along the way, women wear many hates (men do too, but I talk for myself here) and at different times different hats (read priorities) take precedence. Over the past months and time, there has been an increasing awareness and need to focus on the other roles I play (and very happily too!) and we all know we just have 24 hours to fit it all into. To completely stop was not really in the grand scheme of things and the decision to do so hit me like a ton of bricks. Something that I don’t think I really wanted to, but felt I should. I could have just not posted and let my blog whither and shrivel, but then, I hate such slow deaths. Declaring it also reaffirms and puts a block on me. Silly perhaps, once decisions are made, but we work differently, and this works for me.
Writing to me is like an instinct. I can’t stop from doing it. Look at me now prattling on and on, instead of putting it succinctly as:
“Life’s busy, will write again sometime, but right now, I need to focus my energies on something very important to me and so can’t afford distractions”
Blogging’s a medium for my writing, not writing itself. Yes, it’s an instant gratifying medium, but I’ve always maintained that writing’s what gave me pleasure, and I wrote only when compelled by my own inner being. Giving up blogging’s almost like suffocating the writing part of me, which I obviously do not like. Writing’s always been my most clarifying mode of communication. Now, I feel am on mute, and am trying to bring to the surface other pieces of me that’s been laying around gathering dust, and which are as important as everything else that’s been in the foreground, and hope I can polish those communications too. 🙂
Just like that, the word “Sabbatical” popped into my head and I liked the way this man put it.
A sabbatical is a period away from your normal routine – a time to immerse yourself in a different environment, a chance to see your life from a different perspective.
It’s surreal as I stand and watch me from the outside, and this scene mirrors me. I feel like the plastic bag floating around aimlessly, drawn with the winds and pressures, finding anchor. I know my anchor, I see my anchor. I have to just hold on and hope my anchor finds me too.
So yes, am taking 2010 off from blogging as my sabbatical period to go find other parts of me. A year runs very quickly, and we are already down to February, and there’s so much to unearth! It will be an interesting year ahead, too bad I won’t be sharing it all, but hey, if it’s any consolation, I know I am keeping what I like. Nothing and no one can make me less fun, less dreamy, frankly, less of me at all. If anything, I shall grow richer, and I can’t wait.