seduce me

The company that owns the building at work does a holiday thing every year. Last year was breakfast spread, this time around was an afternoon chocolate fountain extravaganza. So this afternoon, after nibbling on a bowl of grapes for lunch (no, I just couldn’t thaw the damn soup, so threw it out and ate grapes instead!) went down and picked up some juicy strawberries with every intention of dipping just ONE.

I did too. Toss between white and brown chocolate, and I picked brown and then I placed it into my mouth. I have no idea how the rest got dipped in chocolate and found their way into my tummy. Really! There was a very lovely marshmallow that sat alone, so felt sorry for it and I sent it in to play with the berries.

Hey, it’s holiday time! Wait till you see all the goodies lined up at work and the willpower am exercising here, you’d drive up to NJ Oak Street and get me Bhel! I deserve such awards. 

In the meanwhile, on the other side of the lobby, there was a table with some major goodies in different sized hamper (gift baskets) that had tiny little boxes into which we could place our names/contact for a drawing – comme raffle. I placed mine in the nearest large looking basket while a couple of colleagues went around poking their noses into various boxes to check their chances. Where I placed mine, the box was quite full. Once that job outa the way I went back to relishing the warm apple cider they had generously poured out for us. After some more talking around, I left for the day. 

Come home to find the PYT from work, calling me up frantically and exclaiming “Rads, the properties have been trying to reach you! Do you know why?!!”

Me: “er, What? Who?”

PYT: “Yes, The property lady called you. I saw that it was an outside line, I answered, and the lady asked for you, and I said you weren’t around. I am so excited! I know why they are calling you! It’s for that only! Why else would they be calling you?”

Me *thinking in my head “excuse me, but why exactly are you answering my direct calls?” *: “Oh, why would she be calling me?”

PYT: “Coz you won silly girl! You won the raffle! I am so sure of it!” 

Me: What? omg, really? *doing the dance* 

Before you think am crazy, here’s some history. I have never ever in my life won anything.

Anything in this context = freebie.

This is like “whoa” Huge whoa. So, in any case, I ask her to email me a picture, coz I won’t be going into work till Thursday as I have some other Timbuktu place to drive into to meet client etc tomorrow. She very sweetly obliged and here it is. Not perfect quality, but I’ve seen the real stuff and I know those almonds taste heavenly! 

Do you know the saying “Jab Bhagwan deta hai, chappar phaad ke deta hai“. In contrast, this is how Viswamitra must have felt. There that man’s piously sitting there praying and abstaining from all sins in various forms and Menaka comes waltzing in and in the wink of an eye (pun intended) the man’s done. 

I haven’t even laid my eyes on the real stuff, but here’s my strict penance on diet and exercise, and lo behold, this basket comes into my life. I don’t win anything as a general rule, not even a movie ticket or the consolation prizes people get handed out. Luck and me are like the hero and villain of any average bollywood movie. They keep searching for each other throughout the time and then when they do, they jsut go kill each other. Yeah, so now imagine my state of mind?! 

To top this, I don’t enjoy chocolate much in the first place. I can have a couple of them, but after that I can say ‘no’ just fine. Now with all this circus my taste buds have been put through,suddenly there they are dancing to the tune they see in that picture and especially since it’s a freebie, they want to roll in it, bask in the taste, serenade each other and ultimately make love.

Shame on them, lusting away just after a measly 17 days. Fat load of support they give me. No, not that kinda fat, the other kind.  

So yes, you the reader, pray for me that this lust that I am suffering as I write this, tones down till I lay eyes on it on Thursday morning. Okay, I sorta slid that in, but yes, the lust shall be replaced by a more tempting picture. One of fit me in a supermodel’s body racing in the beach, just like in the adverts, where after they show the sprinting, the music does a ‘doyang’ and ultimately the bubble bursts and instead there’s a nice more rotund fat lady paddling around. That would precisely be me. Of course, add a sidekick toddling around throwing tantrums, and that will complete the picture.  

Yet come what may, I shall not get dissuaded. My mind is strong. Decisions have been made and contracts have been signed, and loyalties have been sworn. In support, I pen this note down: 

My Dear vintage Express Jeans waiting for me in the closet,

I love thee and am committed to you forever and ever. No vile brown round thing can ever make me cheat on you. We shall be together again, soon. Skin on skin, souls together as only we would understand, never to be separated in this lifetime. 

Yours forever,

Rads