..and we turn 5

In all the rush that has been my life the past one month, this little day got completely forgotten. Feel a trifle guilty, but I suppose it’s okay considering all.

So it’s FIVE full years since I opened a blog (started at blogger) and started pouring my thoughts out. The good, bad and everything in between.

It’s been a  journey, a cliche nevertheless, but an applicable one. Journeys are what happens when you start at a point and reach another point. It’s a changing course when you look back and the traveler as fundamentally unchanged, will and must adapt, morph and grow as they experience new territories, situations as they encounter new interactions.

My blog and all of the 581 posts within are testimonials to the person that I am and have been, the crusades I raged within and without, the joys and the pinnacles (however small) that I have scaled. It has been an interesting five years and I can attest looking back (and I don’t even have to read any archives) that this has been my most rapidly growing stage. Like those growth spurts that kids go through, and one Spring you see them in their shorts and geeky glasses and the Fall later they turn into these gorgeous elegant young ladies in pretty little dresses off to the prom. The analogy may seem off, as am talking more on the physical aspect of the change, but in my case it has been literally a phase in my life that I have grown as an adult the most.

As much as I enjoy being online, and have made some friends who mean a lot more to me than some of my family, it has also shown me that the world isn’t really all that a nice place. One does get beaten and tricked and used. Lessons are learned, some to be forgotten coz our (my) heart is incapable of becoming cynical, to want to believe that there is still goodness out there and that Karma exists. A hope that keeps us going. Some lessons will remain with me to my grave.

At the end of it all, am thankful for the fact that as much as I have changed and become hardened (comparatively) I have retained the zeal that defines me. It has not been easy, yet it hasn’t been all that conscious an effort. I suppose, there is truth to the saying that what we gather as we go along are layers we add to our real self, the one that we are born with and the one that shapes us before we become adults and are let loose into this world.

My writing.

I’ve always been a scribbler. Putting thoughts onto paper has come naturally to me since a kid. During those god-awful rough teen years, I remember writing to my father on various issues, from apologies to outbursts to explaining my actions. I was a shy, painfully shy introverted kid who had just a grand total of one friend through the school years. Speech and speaking up were drowned deep within, my lips sealed shut by an invisible block in my throat. The words formed in my head, they crowded me from within, and they struggled to be released, but nothing much happened to my own frustration and parents’ annoyance. Writing was my salvation. So I wrote. Plain, blunt, and spilling it all as quickly as possible. I didn’t think twice on what came out, but they did. I also imagine a teenager’s thoughts are most likely as clear as mud, considering the rules, restrictions and the society we lived in. I didn’t care and maybe just maybe writing down without inhibitions has made me radical in my thoughts translating to behavior. Coz I imagine when a thought is expressed (no matter the medium) it releases the person from the prison that holds the thought. It’s free, it takes shape and it forms a vision in all clarity for us to see. Whether anyone else sees it the way we do or not is really irrelevant at that point. So, we skip around happily, in the secure knowledge that the thought is what it is. At least I do.

I see that blogging’s different from writing. There was a time when I could open this page, start writing, publish it and go to bed. That’s personal blogging for you. There is no thought, no expectation, no planning, no vision. It’s words and they spill.

Writing is a lot sterner, even if you do humor. It forces one to sit up and read, edit and re-edit your lines. To make sure you crossed your t’s and dotted your i’s and that the subject agrees with the object and that there are no typos that the Word overlooked. Stuff like that simply occasionally kills the complete joy one gets in rambling. It’s a necessary evil. Just like social networks have become. Like the elephant in the room that no one concedes to being a pain, but have to squeeze around it and be careful not to ruffle it in fear of being crushed.

I best enjoyed 2008 and to an extent 2009. Those were the years when I grew for the words I typed here.

I can’t wait for 2010 to get over. It’s been a mess in a few different ways. Mess not in the “o crap I have a mess on my hands” kinda mess, but “gosh, my closet’s a mess” kind of mess. Tons to unravel, clear, unwind and untangle. Sort through, to discard and hold onto the ones that matter the most. The ones that my heart says and the ones that my mind says too. Coz, as much as I believe I should listen to my head, I am fond of my heart, and I can’t just ignore it.

Happy birthday to my blog, to the time we have spent together, and for being there for me. It’s been a cathartic and an eye-opening experience and if I had to do it all over again, I most certainly will.



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32 replies on “..and we turn 5”
  1. says: kabini

    Happy Birthday indeed Rads! While I have not had the good fortune or the privilege to have been tunneling thru’ all 5 of those years, I’ve certainly enjoyed playing catch up. And your writing has helped me grow as well, in so many different ways – so heartfelt thanks!

    I hope there are many, many birthdays to come, good grammar or not! 🙂

  2. says: A&N

    Congratulations, Rads. I loved this post 🙂 Took me back to when I started reading you. When you had an operation, I guess!

    Your will-power and passion to stay on and write ever so often and the highly anecdotal (despite it not being the trend anymore) is admirable 🙂

    More on chat.

  3. says: Archana

    Congratulations, Rads & blog! Wow, has it already been that long? It must be so – coz I really can’t even remember when I first started reading you 😀 (or I am getting really old and forgetful – well, whatever).

    Here’s to many, many, many more years of blogging and writing. *clink*

  4. says: rads

    Rangafella: Relating. That’s what it’s all about. 🙂

    Archana; Yes! It has been that long, though it doesn’t seem too far, and no, your memory is ok. 🙂
    Am trudging this as long as I can..

    A&N: At this point there isn’t a conscious effort to write, and the last month has proved it. Yep, trends come and go, but our vision essentially remains the same I guess 🙂

    Bhel and Bits: Thank you. 🙂

    Kabini: Really? That’s good to know I guess, when one’s writing is just that and it somehow does more than what it was originally aimed to. Thanks for being a discerning reader 🙂

    Praveen: Thank you for being the ultimate motivator without being a nag 🙂

  5. says: Saumya

    Happy 5th and here’s to many more happy years at writing – Toast!

    Lovely post – I am really happy that blogging came about as a medium – like you, I was always writing – witty letters, rants, badly formed book reviews and they never left the confines of my room. Now, that there is my blog, I feel free and relaxed in a way that is hard to define.

  6. says: rads

    Sands and Sunita: Thank you! 🙂

    Saumya: It does, doesn’t it? When one writes for oneself, there is tremendous satisfaction. Once you get aware of the third eye peeking in, it puts a spin on everything. 🙂

  7. says: CW

    A very happy 5th, Rads! Would this be an inappropriate time to ask what exactly does kowthas mean (though I have meant to, several times, only to forget)?

  8. Miles to go, I’m sure 🙂 Congratulations! Admire your commitment and to watch you revel in what you love is a joy indeed! 🙂

    So I’ve been off the virtual sphere lately. Sorry about the belated reply! Hope to catch up soon!


    PS: Parttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

  9. says: rads

    Thanks all, haven’t logged in here forever and couldn’t reply. Yes, it was awesome, but it also seems so far ago in some aspects that it is surreal.

    Strange are the ways of the mind 🙂

    If you are still reading this and here, you deserve a pat on your back. *pat pat* 🙂

    1. says: rads

      Hey Julie, was on a break, but yes, working on my first comeback before Plus became a distraction 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Julie and Jenny!

  10. says: Laura

    Congrats on your blog anniversary! 5 years is impressive, and your post and comment counts are pretty fantastic as well. I hope mine look like that in 4 more years. 😉 #commenthour

    1. says: rads

      Shree, no worries, you did comment on my later one on Google Plus. Either way, I know, and thnak you 🙂 It’s heartening to read one welcome at least 🙂

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