name this

Hey you,

I’ve always been meaning to ask you this:

What is that thing that continues to propel someone to keep opening up to the same person?

  • Despite the said confidante not wanting or caring and has explicitly said so.
  • Despite the confidante who once welcomed warm open thoughts now has nothing more to offer but a cold shoulder.
  • Despite the fact that the confidante has completely shut down every part of themselves to this person

What do you call that overwhelming feeling that consumes a person’s rationale, logic and lessons learned and without a thought or hesitation continue to trust and lay bare the heart and mind. Open. Raw. Vulnerable.

What do you call the person?

What do you call that moment in time, when that moment can last a long lifetime? Or that’s how it may seem. When the mind throws itself back and it’s lost in a black hole coz there really is no discernible starting point to it all.

Stupid? Is that what it is? Naive, gullible and stupid?

Can one be selectively stupid? Like a choice?

Like “I’d like to be stupid with just you please? Nope, not you and you and you, but just you. And if you don’t mind, I’ll have a bagel with that as well.”

What if the trust is so far beyond the threat of the outcome of stupidity? Hurt. Continuous repetitive hurt.

What if being hurt doesn’t hurt anymore?

What if all you wanted out of all of this was a touch? Touch across the distance, with the words that quickly stand in attention and form a line. A phrase. Perhaps one day, I dare dream of a touch for real. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Let me just be for now.

You see that overwhelming thing I spoke about before? Yeah, it’s a lifeline. The vest that sails it all through, the thing that the world calls pain, and the people living in it call you stupid.

I think.

In overwhelmingly unknown terms,

R

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