I am made of flubber. I am a flubber. I am not even sure if that’s a grammatically correct sentence, and that’s perfectly ok, coz that’s how I define myself. Now, before you think am made of flab and rubber and a lot of lard and cheese, let me quickly squish all such notions, though to be honest, that could be true, BUT NO, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A DIFFERENT KIND OF FLUBBER OK?
So, WHAT IS FLUBBER?
The boring definition:
A rubbery polymer formed by cross-linking of polyvinyl alcohol with a boron compound. I first saw and heard of flubber in a movie. Yes, Robin Cook’s movie Flubber. Hilarious, a must see if you haven’t.
The fun definition:
I see myself as a flubber. The kind that would bounce back quickly, can fly, soar, jump and well, bounce right back to the real me, no matter where I was thrown and how hard someone’s thrown me (off course). This was a slow realization over time and experiences and over many brooding hours spent eating bhel puri and writing at the laptop. It’s sunk into me so much, I’ve started using it in my bio over social media channels. What’s even better is that I get a ton of external validation when folks (who are clueless on this self-christened moniker) also tell me how much of a bounce I am. How positivity defines me and how I live life deep but am always tethered to the bar that is happy, fun and winning.
That sounded like a commercial pitch/ self-brag didn’t it? Well, am here to say that as much as I can claim to be all of that, I am also here to tell you that I am now a slowly aging flubber. The kind that’s lost a wee bit of elasticity over the past few weeks, but it took a bit longer this time. Scary huh? It is to me.
Well, we live in interesting times.
The world is a bit of an unrest, and that’s putting it mildly. Since January 21st 2017, the unrest has spread its slimy fingers into my mind and heart. It hit me strong as to how much of my environment meant to me and how much of its comforting presence I (we) take for granted. I was thrown into another void on a personal front. The unfairness of perspectives and how much fear can actually stifle, contort and convince you to unsee all that one’s heart and mind knows, hurt. Being blocked from access to your comfort; triggered some sharp deeply buried abandonment issues.
For 3 weeks, I struggled.
I climbed an inch up, only to be pushed down two, and the pendulum swung hard. I went through the motions of life and expectations of my roles and I managed them all. Yet, the heart was dragging my mind down into the storm that developed in my head. I was looking for that familiar anchor and I begged and pleaded but apparently, empathy and understanding doesn’t really kick in when you’ve convinced yourself that you are a justified victim.
Through all of this, my creativity and productivity had hit an all-time low. Productivity, I still mustered, but creativity is precious and the mind was drawing a blank at every corner. That hurt. It was beginning to upset and anger me as I lost my momentum and that was something that I had worked hard to gain. Seeing me down and unable to produce and create was eating me alive. It was a phase that wasn’t going to go away by itself, and I knew I was looking at the wrong place for help.
So, I did the next best thing one could do and I helped myself. Over the previous weeks, I went through a few conscious exercises to build me up again to my productive self. Maybe there is something that you can take away from it.
In no particular order:
GYM AND EXERCISE:
Stepping out and getting the heart rate up is THE MOST EFFECTIVE way to get yourself going again. The exercise, the rush of oxygen, the feeling of vibrancy all come together so nicely, it’s hard to be mopey when you leave the gym. I hadn’t exercised in the 3 weeks, and when I did yesterday, I felt like a bat coming out of the cave. Incredible difference.
I can’t believe am endorsing this, since am a sorely need-based shopper, but the day before, I spent a good hour picking up stuff that I very well could live without, but nice to have anyway and they were all with regards to organizing and getting things in order. Then, I repeated that again yesterday! Picked up some gorgeous baubles and beads and pendants and now am dreaming up of things to make. It helped. It took my mind off things and made me think of getting things in order and with prettiness to boot. RETAIL THERAPY FTW
GETTING BACK ON KETO/LOW CARB (WITH A VENGEANCE)
I’ve slipped and eaten all sorts of stuff (while remaining mostly low carb) over the past 3-4 weeks. I am not hugely sorry about it, considering food is comforting and I needed plenty of that. Yesterday, I forced myself to think of how GOOD I FELT when I was on keto. The lightness, the lifting of the fog, the mind being a lot more balanced and essentially, in control. So, starting today, am back to eating like it makes me feel like a free bird.
What with my knee fiascos every now and then, I was always given Vitamin D to get my levels back up, so bone structure and health is maintained. So, when a friend suggested that I take it continuously, and especially over the winter to help with the funk, I grabbed the chance. It’s only been two days since I’ve been taking 3000 IU of Vitamin D, but I sense a change. It could be just placebo effect for now, but my educated guess is that it will work with time.
I’ve been practicing meditation and mindfulness since 2014. Lucky to have stumbled into a group of warm, non-judgemental women all headed by an equally magnanimous lady who deserves much credit for creating a safe space where I feel like I can say my most random outrageous thoughts and know that it’s okay. I haven’t been the most regular with classes but what I love is that I have been taught a skill that I can rely on when I want to. When your mind goes still, you get to hear your sub-conscious speak to you. It takes practice to still the voices and the chatter, but it brings a calmness and allows you to see you for yourself. I’ve been practicing it every few days and it helps with perspective. Cannot recommend it enough!
Writing down your thoughts on paper has always been recommended by varied subject matter experts. I have bene bullet journaling a few months now and I have recently started writing a couple of lines of gratitude down every night before bed. Honest and simple, nothing grandiose, but it’s a habit that my little one and I now enjoy. It surely slows down our ego/arrogance and keeps it in check for not taking everything for granted. If writing them down helps in a way, going back and reading them helps you a ton more! It triggers parts of your brain to go over and relive the moments that you were grateful and happy about. It’s beautiful.
MEET WITH FOLKS OUTSIDE YOUR USUAL CIRCLE
Just like learning a new language, or skill, meeting and sharing an activity with new folks triggers different synapses in your brain opening up some musty corridors and new pathways of thinking and being. One day I drove 100 miles out to meet with a friend and have lunch. Then, I hung out with two different sets of ladies I was just getting to know, and not from my community. What we shared as a commonality was that we lived in the same geographical area, with just one other skill and fun we shared. I didn’t come away like I just made my best friends or even friends for that matter, but I did enjoy the refreshing company, purely because they are new and upbeat and that matters so much! Plus, I am now enjoying a glass of wine instead of just enjoying a few sips. Progress!
Am not completely out of the woods yet, but I’ve made my peace. Am in a more resilient place and I see things with no judgment. I am acting within my capabilities to make things better, and I offer a ton of love and care from a place of giving and I feel a shift in refocus and well, I like it.
Getting out of a rut is a process, not a flip of the switch. It takes all of our own concentrated effort to get out of whatever it is that has dropped us in there. Pointing fingers, blaming folks and environment is all good as long as you realize that everyone’s an actor in your life and you are the only one who is running your show. Doesn’t mean they all go scot free, coz that’s another topic for another day, but for now, you take care of yourself.
Some of us are born as flubber, and some of us learn to become flubber, but bouncing back is how we tackle all that life throws at us, and it usually does. The sooner we get up, the less time we lose enjoying all that the world has to offer.
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You. Are. Amazing.
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awww <3 (That makes two of us Shyam!) 🙂
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