Nov. 2: When was the last time you did something brave? What happened?
It takes courage to speak the truth they say. That’s being brave. To face the wrath of the consequences of your actions or words.
Sometimes it takes a hell of a lot more courage to not say the truth. To stand bravely facing the wrath and to hold one’s head high from within despite knowing that the image is very skewed against you, and yet, you stand still, denying as much as your bravery would allow, but also agreeing as much as your ethical judgement would allow.
It was recent,.
It is very recent.
It’s fresh in my mind. The bravado with which I stood now and faced it is also fresh in my mind.
Cowards crumble they say.
The brave crumble too, in the face of a bigger force. A force when battled with the knowledge, but then we may win the war but not the battle. I stuttered. I stammered. I choked. In anger, shock, pain and anguish. I crumbled inside with the knowledge of hearsay, of wanting to say but unable to. It would hurt. It would be needless. It would not help me in any way. It would not make me sleep better at night either.
It is not about being Gandhian.
It is most definitely not being a martyr.
It is taking the rap for the rest of them. For being the scapegoat for every one else’s frustration, coz suddenly all everyone can remember is you. You, the lively, infectious laughing you, who can think with so much abandon that it startles them. You, who can speak clearly and without fear that it intimidates them. You, for being charmingly so naive that blaming you comes naturally. You, for being so comfortable and confident in your skin, that they feel you could and would survive anything, so it’s all good. Right?
I shook inside, but I was brave. I choked and almost cried. I looked like I was a victim, but in reality, I was disappointed and let down. By not just one person but by a community that insisted on interpreting me wrong, that they stood and cowered behind me, while I unknowingly got thrust to the front and so the bullet.
Being brave is to do the right thing under the circumstance.
I believe holding my tongue and knowledge was the right thing to do.
I was brave, but I am also a little broken.
I’ll mend. Am flubber, remember?