Originally posted in my WP site, and for some reason this fable didn’t come through here when I migrated. Adding in the comments from that site as 1 large piece.
She had wailed, “I so badly need one” on her face book-twitter status message.
One tweeted back saying “Check Amazon, they have it all.”
One emailed her “O, eBay absolutely!”
Another said, “Have you tried Craigslist? I love that place, you can get it all, and the people are so nice!”
So she took all of their suggestions and searched. Amazon came close, but the vendor wasn’t up for giving. She checked eBay; it was all business and crass. Craigslist was too restrictive.
“Oh, nothing? That’s funny. Why don’t you advertise?” asked one flippantly.
Interestingly, she observed, no one had really asked her for specifics. Deciding to take matters into her own hands, she tied her hair up, crossed her legs, pursed her lips, opened up her laptop and started typing furiously. Ever so slightly pausing to take a sip of some green tea, and occasionally closing her eyes to frame her thoughts, she carefully chose her words.
An understated elegant young lady seeks a friend and companion who would be willing to enter into a relationship, and asks,
“Is there someone who’d like to spend some quality time with me?”
Statistics showed that the ad was read at least a hundred times a day. Emails poured in. It was interesting on how the word “relationship” was interpreted differently by each. Most however offered only physical activities of kinds she didn’t know existed. After deleting a few hundred of these, she wondered: If she had wanted sex, she would have used the word and be done with it. The word she used – relationship – must have confused the poor things.
Not the one to give up easily, she thought again. In an effort to also elaborate and make clear to the reader and especially not to confuse the average man, she updated her entry:
An understated elegant young lady seeks a friend and companion
Spend a minimum of 15 and a maximum of 60 minutes with her on three of the five weekdays.
Of lesser importance but would be nice to have:
1. To reply to her emails quick enough to assure her and indulge her vanity.
2. To listen to her talk, laugh, weep and vent with care and fondness.
3. To show affection in small ways, as in holding hands, an endearment, hug, and perhaps treat her to a much needed ice cream to buoy her spirits.
4. To speak gently and not read more into her words than necessary.
5. To show enthusiasm, laugh, act silly and be goofy with her.
6. To treat her mind, thought and body with respect and affection, and acknowledge her as a sexy, beautiful, smart woman.
7. To be witty, intelligent, smart and spar with her on words, literature, movies and art.
8. To give her the time, priority and attention she deserves.
9. To be a willing open learner and partner with no pretensions and attitudes.
10. To be a creative, artistic and an engaging team player.
In return for:
1. Giggles, laughs, and good-natured humor.
2. Witty repartee, intellectual banter and rational discussions on words, literature, movies and art.
3. Various snacks of different cuisines homemade from scratch.
4. A book and movie partner of the genre chosen by the other.
5. A warm touch, hugs and a perceptive confidant.
6. Sensible, mature, logical, and adult conversations with no melodrama or tantrums.
7. Creative and fun entertainment sure to surprise the other, including be a model for all artwork.
8. Stimulation and encouragement, as a motivator with a never say never attitude.
9. Unwavering attention towards all ideas weird and strange.
10. Respect, thought and consideration for what the other believes in.
Time was a challenge.
Time would always be her Achilles heel.
Her inbox has been empty ever since.